i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
