I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize