Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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