Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize