either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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