you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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