$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
