So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
