im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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