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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i can't wait to go to hell

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure

  Fav 2 1961 996

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.

  Fav 12 2108 1281

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

  Fav 52 8986 1620

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

  Fav 14 5747 1487

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  21st birthday = success

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball

  Fav 7 918 945

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.

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• (530): View more from California

  She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now

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