i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
