i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you will always have a special place in my vag
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
