I cannot find my penis.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
