if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
