I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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