Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
