there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
