hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
