you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
