hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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