I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
