Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
