There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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