Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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