2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
