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we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
