...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
