Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
