Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize