i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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