Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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