i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
