I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
