Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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