Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
