What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize