Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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