hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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