she looked like the before picture.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
