Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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