Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
