I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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