rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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