i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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