My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
