somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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