i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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