Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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