see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
