You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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