She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize