She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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