Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
