So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
