three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
