I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
