dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
