Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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