That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
