dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
