Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's shark week go big or go home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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