9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
