you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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