In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my poor anus
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
