..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
