did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
