I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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