nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
