'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
