i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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