A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
