My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
