When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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