im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
