You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
