i barfeds in our rink
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
