He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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