I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
