I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize