Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
