We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
