Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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