Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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