Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
