And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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