My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize