Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
