I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
