i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need to stop coming to work sober
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
